Dear Jana,

My new missus thinks me watching porn and masturbating is the same as cheating? She can't be serious! Is this how women think these days? Or is she being too precious? Can't a man live! How do I talk sense into her?

Johnny.

Oh Johnny,

That's quite the dilemma! But here's the thing: she's wrong. Good lord, we all feel the urge from time to time. If that's the worst you do, then I think you're just fine. I wouldn't try to talk sense to her - I just wouldn't tell her when you self-pleasure or watch porn. It's that simple. We don't have to tell our partners everything. Just make sure you clear your search history.

At the end of the day, a porno can't cuddle you afterwards, or tell you that you look hot in that outfit. And no one's ever left their partner to watch porn all day (well, apart from porn addicts - but that's another story). So it's not cheating, for heaven's sake. Just keep your habits to yourself, like the rest of us do.

Dear Jana,

So the other night, I had to finish this last-minute report for work, and since I had left my laptop at home, I borrowed my boyfriend's. When he got up to make us dinner I decided to see if his laptop was logged into his Instagram and it was, so I scrolled through his DMs (you would too!) and discovered all these messages he had sent models he was following.




Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking gives her trademark sassy advice to Aussies needing help with their love lives - or lack thereof

He was saying things like 'I want to fk you' and 'I could give you an orgasm in under a minute.' (For the record, no he could not.) Now I don't know what to do. I feel like it is cheating - even if these women didn't write back to him. Are all men this creepy? I feel like he has crossed a boundary, but also don't want to confront him because he'll know I went through his Instagram. How do I approach this?

Angela.

Ah Angela,

It's a risky game to go through a partner's Instagram DMs. It's guaranteed you're never going to like what you find - so tut-tut for letting your curiosity get the better of you. In saying that, I probably couldn't help myself either.

So yeah, it turns out your boyfriend is a creep! Not really a cheat, just a creep. Although I reckon he would jump at the chance to bed one of these Insta hotties if given the opportunity. So rather then bring it up with him, why not just dump him? Seeing messages like that (ignored messages too!) would just give me the ick. You really should be focusing on his gross unsolicited messages to strangers rather than what he might think of you snooping on his laptop.

And to answer your other question, no, not all guys are creepy - you've just found one of them unfortunately. So thank your lucky stars you found out before you married and had children with him (because, trust me, there are plenty of creepy married men in my DMs - many with their wives in their profile picture...)

Just get out of the relationship and under somebody else - problem solved!

Side note: why is it always the men who aren't gods in the bedroom who seem to brag about it?




Jana helps out one male reader whose new girlfriend considers animal porn cheating, and gives some bad news to a young woman despairing over her divorced father's much younger partner

Dear Jana,

I'm in quite the predicament and could really use your advice. My dad has started dating someone I went to high school with and I can't shake how unsettling it feels. She is 25 years younger than him, and I can't help but wonder if her intentions are entirely genuine.

My dad spent his whole life building his carpentry business from the ground up, and his girlfriend is a single mother with three kids. I worry he might end up taking on a much bigger responsibility than he realises if this relationship becomes serious. And it seems to be heading that way.

Honestly, I think this might just be a rebound after my mum left him last year, but it's hard to sit back and watch what looks like a midlife crisis playing out. Her ex is completely unreliable, so I suspect she sees my dad as her ticket to stability.

The tricky part is, I don't want to embarrass my father or hurt our relationship by confronting him about this. How do I gently help him see sense before it's too late?

Anonymous.

Anonymous,

I hate to say it, but I reckon you've got to let it play out. At the end of the day, your father is a grown man and can make his own (horny) decisions.

Is it a rebound? Highly likely. It's a tale as old as time when the man goes on to replace his ex-wife with a younger model sigh but it's perhaps a mistake he simply must make on his own.

If you try to intervene, you will upset everyone. And if he's a stubborn bugger like most of the older gents I know, he will probably stay with her longer just to make a point.

So let him have his fun in the sun, and then all you can do is be there for him when it goes belly up. And if it doesn't… well, you're going to have some interesting Christmases. Perhaps just give her a knowing 'I'm on to you' look when you see her next. But let's not go full Jerry Springer.

I appreciate your dad has worked hard building his business and bank account, but it's his money to spend however he likes. At least he's not sending it to a fake girlfriend overseas - which happens more than you'd think.

Let Papa Bear figure it out himself - they usually do. Just maybe slip some condoms in his bedside table. She sounds very, um, fertile.


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